WEEK 101

Within minutes, the team was seated in the Krokodil, with Snowy at the helm and Putin in the copilot’s chair behind her.

As Snowy ran through the pre-flight checklist, giant hydraulic pistons drove the Krokodil’s hanger toward the surface of the Kara Sea.

The hanger’s roof clamshelled open, breaching the frothing arctic waves just as Snowy snapped on the Hind’s massive rotor.

“Hang on!” the war bear shouted into her helmet mic as she pulled back on the control stick and drove the old Soviet gunship skyward.

A thousand miles away, great black clouds were gathering over Red Square. Muscovites and tourists alike felt an ominous chill in the air.

The attack on Stalin’s Grave was about to begin.

Near Spasskaya Tower sat a thin, stylishly dressed Japanese man. On the other end of Red Square, an old woman slowly pushed a potato cart.

She paused and ran her hands along the cart’s handle. How much simpler things had been when she used to meet the Commander in this disguise.

Then she’d simply been a double agent. Now what was she? A quadruple agent? She’d deceived the Order into believing she was on their side.

She was using that deception to betray Putin, and Mantis, and she’d already killed her connection to the FSB. Mila felt very alone.

Then she thought of all the ways she’d been betrayed, abandoned, abused. She tightened her grip on the cart’s handle: She wanted revenge!

A fat American asked her for a potato in halting Russian. Mila sneered at him and kept walking slowly toward Lenin’s Tomb.

George Takei looked up from his copy of Madame Bovary to see Mila’s progress. He glanced around, noting Byan Khan and Arianna Huffington.

The Order’s plan was relatively simple: Attack Lenin’s Tomb with great drama, and use that diversion as cover to unearth Stalin’s grave.

Takei checked his watch: They were just minutes away. He looked at the ground and saw a pair of Air Yeezy Red Octobers standing before him.

“Go take your position, Kanye,” Takei said without looking up. Kanye opened his mouth to protest. “Now!” Takei said, before he could speak.

Takei looked at his watch again: 3… 2…1… A deafening peal of thunder crashed through the air, but there was no lightning to be seen.

Some of the crowd looked up for the sound’s origin, and saw the silhouette of a massive arachnid falling toward the earth.

BOOOM! Robot scorpion Walt Disney crashed into the center of Red Square, cratering the pavement and launching a geyser of asphalt chunks.

Women screamed in terror, babies and children wept, and everyone fled in panic. Walt’s maniacal cackle boomed out from his telson speakers.

In the commotion, no one noticed the steady thump-thump-thump of a Krokodil helicopter racing towards Red Square.

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