Week 125

Putin shuddered as he recognized the voice of the only man he’d ever admired. His vision cleared, and he saw Joseph Stalin smiling at him.

“Vovochka,” Stalin said again, moving slowly forward out of the shadow of the rocky cliff. “You look tired … so tired.” Putin froze.

Tired? Yes, he was tired. He felt as if this battle had gone on for days. And now here was Stalin, his idol, speaking like a close friend.

“Here,” murmured the Fetid One, reaching out a hand with only a few spots of visible decay, “I’ve come to take you home with me.”

Stalin smirked, his thick mustache rearing up like a grumpy caterpillar. He took a step forward. “Don’t fight this. It’s destiny.”

The air was ripe with unholy stench. “You do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power.”

Stalin stepped forward again, and Putin, looking dazed, took a small step towards him. Putin trembled. A storm was building behind his eyes.

The Fetid Lord reached out his hand. “With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.”

Suddenly C-4 jumped out from Kanye West’s wardrobe bag, where she’d been hiding since he stopped to change outfits behind the K-7!

The little dog ran around Putin’s legs, yapping merrily. “C-4!” Putin exclaimed, breaking eye contact with Stalin. “How naughty you are!”

“I knew your wife should have kept the dog with her,” Stalin grumbled. “What?!” Putin exclaimed. If Mila had kept C-4 in the jet, then …

Putin stared in horror at the Red Tsar. It was as if he saw Stalin for the first time, and finally realized what that smell was.

“NO!” Putin roared. The rotting corpse before him was not the man he’d idolized. Putin seethed and smoldered green. Fury overwhelmed him.

For a moment, Putin seemed to turn translucent, and then he erupted into a supernova that shook the length of the beach.

Stalin blinked, and the colossal blast wave knocked him backward toward the surf. Flaming timbers fell from the collapsing temple above.

The explosion crashed against Cthulhu’s towering effigy, and the horrible colossus shook from the impact. It quivered, but did not topple.

When the emerald flames faded, Putin was kneeling in a shallow dish of glass several yards across. He looked up as the statue groaned.

“Just like Chernobyl,” he thought before turning away from the towering effigy. C-4 yapped wildly at the swaying statue.

Then it exploded, blocks of stone arcing through the air. They crashed into the sea, blasting plumes of water like depth charges detonating.

Snowy and Murder Cat watched in horror as a massive slab of stone fell directly on top of Peaches or Herb, and Black Ops disappeared.

Smaller chunks were propelled great distances. One of these hit Stalin, decapitating him. His head rolled to the edge of the water.

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